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"Both said that this was a really common phenomenon: that dating sites have a notoriously low number of gay women, and that gay women are unlikely to flock to those services, ever." they exist, but even if you find one, the odds that she's your age and single and you connect with her on any romantic level at all are slim to none.
When a straight woman logs into Tinder, it's a totally different experience.
A 2013 study from Liverpool Hope University that studied 126 lesbian and straight women with the average age of 27 found that lesbians had and wanted to have just as much casual sex as straight women.
But the gay women I talked to said they need to have some kind of connection to the other person, even if their only intention is to hook-up (which is often is). But now on Tinder everyone seems to be afraid of being too earnest.
So, of the hundreds of dating apps that exist, why isn't there a better, queer-women-friendly dating app yet?
Are lesbians not online dating because there's no good app, or is there no good app because lesbians don't like online dating?
Lauren O'Reilly, Director of Marketing at OKCupid, says that of their current 10 million active users, women seeking women only comprise 7 percent of that.
But the good news is that since the site expanded their gender and orientation options, they've seen a 7 percent rise in female LGBTQ users, suggesting that many women may have felt stifled by the need to identify as one gender or one sexuality, which could also be an issue when trying to get queer women on a lesbian-specific app.
Chen adds that "until there's word-of-mouth, and enough people to generate a quality experience, the marketplace will suck." So lesbians who have primarily heterosexual friends might not know about the app, and gay women who hang out with other gay women probably see people they already know on the app (aka exes they'd rather not see ever again).
"Tinder changed the landscape of online dating a little," my friend Nomi*, 30, who identifies as queer, said. Dating apps nowadays make me want to move to a cave in the mountains and change my name." Another friend of mine, also named Lindsay, 34, who also identifies as queer, echoed similar sentiments, saying that she hates lesbian dating app Her because it's too much like Tinder in all the wrong ways.
"I want to actually hear more about the person than one headline and 10 selfies." Her founder Robyn Exton did tell CNN Money back in May that the rebranded app would have more text boxes and photos so that people could see "the interesting parts of how she lives," but a recent tour through the app shows that the extra info is still pretty rarely filled out.
Dinesh Moorjani, co-founder of Tinder and CEO of Hatch Labs Inc.
where Tinder was created, says that another reason lesbian dating apps may have failed to prosper could be that investors don't see that 3.4 percent of America as a large enough market to tackle (never mind that gay and bi men make up about the same proportion of the population as gay and bi women, and Grindr has 10 times the users of Her).
Sure, straight-focused apps like Tinder and Bumble allow for same-sex swiping, but, for gay women especially, that often leads to matches who are just dabbling in same-sex hookups or are looking to plan a threesome for their boyfriend.